Once upon a time
by aLoggedInReader
Summary: Nobody knows how to upset all the wrong people quite as well as Gabriel does and somehow Sam is always the one who has to suffer the most because of it. short fairytaleAU, established Sabriel, will have a Destiel bonus chapter eventually, rated T for language and innuendo; Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **Everything in unbetaed, all mistakes are my own and whoever finds them gets to keep them... or you could tell me about them and I'll correct them.

This is basically a one-shot, but there will be a bonus chapter with Dean and Castiel as soon as I get around to writing it.**  
**

**Edit**: Now beta-read by the wonderful Ghastly Eternity! And thanks so much to midnight0211 for drawing the cover picture!

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**Once upon a time…**

"You just had to upset her, didn't you?" Sam yelled at the archangel. Gabriel didn't even really realize that his partner was seriously mad at him because the human would have had to yell to be heard over the distance, anyway.

"You couldn't just be nice and keep your mouth shut for once in your fucking life!" the younger Winchester went on yelling. Luckily, he couldn't see Gabriel's completely unfazed expression all too clearly from his place up in the tower.

Sam snorted and looked around the room he was trapped in, but couldn't see anything that might help him to escape on second sight, either. There was no door and no other windows. He might have been able to do something with the bed sheets, if the tower hadn't been quite that high. Other than that there was only a basket with fresh fruit and very basic furniture.

"Eris overreacted!" Gabriel yelled back from his place at the foot of the tower, forming a cone with his hands for effect, "What's to misunderstand about 'It's been nice, you're a great girl. Good bye'? Okay, she didn't get it, but that's hardly my fault! Not to mention that it's been over a hundred years since that one night!"

Maybe there had been a serious misunderstanding, but that was on Eris herself. Gabriel had never made her believe that he'd call or show up again. No, really!

Apparently, Sam thought that the archangel shared some of the blame at least, though. The apple that had just barely missed Gabriel's head was a rather clear message.

"Will you get your ass up here and get me down anytime soon? No need to hurry or anything, the view is great!" the younger Winchester yelled, trying to be sarcastic while still yelling at the top of his lungs which wasn't quite as easy as it sounded.

The archangel chuckled, looking up toward his trapped partner. He had to say that Sam looked quite good framed by the window and with the blue sky in the background. Like a princess straight out of a fairytale. Not that the shorter man would tell the younger Winchester about that thought. Not yet, anyway.

"The view from down here isn't all that bad either, Samsquatch," he called instead, but not quite loud enough for the human to hear what he had just said. He really didn't want to risk a banana to the head.

"I didn't hear that!" Sam shouted. The archangel hadn't made it all too obvious if he had simply forgotten that the human couldn't hear quite as good as he could, or if he had spoken too silently on purpose. The younger Winchester was already trying to decide about which fruit to throw next just in case.

"I said I can't get up there that easily!" Gabriel yelled, loud enough for Sam to hear this time, "Remember TV-land?"

The pear that grazed his ear was a good enough answer to that question.

"Eris might have learned a couple of things from me back in the day," the archangel went on yelling, holding his arms over his head defensively, "And before you throw the entire basket consider the fact that you have to eat eventually!"

The younger Winchester put the fruit basket back on the table with a groan. For a split second he considered throwing the table instead, but it was doubtful that he could fit that through the window. Also, that seemed a little too extreme. He wanted to express annoyance not murderous intent.

"So she trapped us in an alternate reality?" Sam yelled his question, even though he pretty much knew the answer to that already.

It made sense, too. Everything, from the furniture in the room to the landscape he could see from the window, didn't feel quite real or as if it was out of another time, at least. There was nothing but woods as far as he could see, the sky was too blue and the birds were singing a little too much in sync with each other. Like they were forming a choir, actually.

"Fairytale land, I guess," Gabriel shouted back and then added with a bright grin, "Which makes you Rapunzel!"

The fact that he had to eat eventually didn't keep Sam from taking aim at Gabriel with a peach. All of this was his fault and now he was making stupid jokes, too! The younger Winchester had more or less gotten used to being the punchline of a joke every now and then ever since he had decided to give the archangel a chance, but this was too much for the human!

"Oh yeah? And you should be with Snowwhite!" the tall human shouted lamely, but he couldn't think of anything better to save his life.

"Nah, I'll rather be your prince charming," Gabriel replied nonchalantly and ducked when a shoe came flying his way.

Things had clearly gone too far here and the archangel could not tolerate this any longer!

"Hey, you stop undressing without me this instant!" he yelled his demand and – predictably – had the second shoe thrown his way for it, too.

Gabriel shrugged. He'd just have to get up there then. Luckily, the fairytale gave him a pretty good clue as to how he could manage that.

The archangel cleared his throat noisily before he shouted, "Samsquatch, Samsquatch, let down your hair!"

Without the extremely good eyesight all angels possessed Gabriel wouldn't have seen the human flip him off, but it only amused him, anyway. He had expected a reaction like this, really.

"Oof!" Sam suddenly exclaimed, as if all air had been punched from his lungs suddenly.

"Sammy, are you okay?" the archangel called worriedly and tried to fly up the tower once more. Predictably, it still didn't work and his partner kept disturbingly silent for a few more moments, too. "Sam, talk to me, dammit!"

"I… yeah… everything's good," the human called back in a tone of voice that didn't sound like he was completely okay at all. At least he was talking, however.

"One stupid comment, Gabe, just one…" Sam started a threat before he came back to the window. He didn't have to finish speaking for the archangel to know exactly what he was getting at. There were a couple of things the younger Winchester could take from his partner that would hurt him, but the way Sam had spoken gave away that he was talking about cutting him off from any sort of physical interaction for a length of time.

"Okay, okay, I promise!" Gabriel stated honestly. He wouldn't risk that! … again.

Sam sighed deeply, but revealed what had just happened to him, finally. The archangel felt like he'd die on the spot from all the things he absolutely wasn't allowed to say, that very moment.

"This is entirely your fault!" the younger Winchester yelled with a bitchface that suited him better than it had ever before.

"Yes, baby, it is," Gabriel agreed, nodding dutifully and trying with all his might not to laugh out loud.

Sam grumbled, but gathered the extra feet – lots and lots of extra feet – of his hair together and slung it around a conveniently placed hook in the wall before he let it fall down toward his partner. Little surprisingly, his hair was exactly long enough to reach the bottom of the tower. The younger Winchester wasn't sure if he had ever felt more ridiculous.

"I think you hair might have grown a little," the archangel commented seconds later. Sam had to give him a little credit for trying to remain silent, he just had to! Besides, the human surely wouldn't want him to explode from holding everything in. Sam was the one that always wanted them to talk things over, anyway.

The younger Winchester really felt the urge to find something to throw again, but he was sort of tied to the wall that very moment. All thoughts about punishing the archangel left his mind when Gabriel started to climb up the walls of the tower using his hair for a rope, though.

"Goddamn, that hurts!" the younger Winchester yelped and grabbed his hair to try and lessen the pull on his scalp.

"Rapunzel never complained. Women really are the tougher sex," the archangel quipped while continuing to climb upward. He was trying not to pull too hard, but given the task at hand that was pretty much impossible.

"Maybe her prince wasn't a sugar addict," Sam commented scathingly.

"Are you saying I'm fat?" Gabriel shot back outraged and finally managed to grip the ledge of the window, relieving his poor partner of having to carry his weight with his hair.

"I'm just saying that it hurt like a bitch," the younger Winchester admitted. Having a fully grown – or somewhat fully grown – adult hanging from his scalp hadn't been good for his mood, but now that that was over he was just happy to have the archangel with him again.

"Poor, poor Sammy," Gabriel cooed as he rubbed the human's abused scalp gently. Just to make the younger Winchester feel better – completely selflessly and without any ulterior motives, of course – he also nipped and sucked on his neck until Sam was as relaxed as he would get under the circumstances. "All better now?"

"I'd be better, if you told me how we're going to get out of this," the younger Winchester replied, speaking in a soft tone, though. He had had this unproven theory that the archangel was releasing some sort of pheromone that might or might not come from his invisible wings when he was around him. That would explain how Sam basically always was putty in his hands even if seconds before he had been seriously mad.

"Uh, Eris will calm down eventually, I guess?" Gabriel shrugged lightly, "But in the meantime we can try to climb down the tower the way I came up, if that'll make you happier."

The archangel produced a pair of scissors – apparently, only a few of his abilities were blocked completely – and cut Sam's hair off at around shoulder length, tying the now loose hair to the hook.

"You couldn't have thought of this before you tortured my scalp, could you?" the younger Winchester snorted, but to be fair, he hadn't thought of the possibility himself, either. Sometimes it just was too easy to blame Gabriel for about everything, though.

The archangel simply shrugged and looked at his human considering their options.

"We could also stay here," he stated with a grin, waggling his eyebrows as he spoke on, "There's a perfectly good bed right there."

"Gabe," Sam groaned. It wasn't the sort of groan the archangel would have liked to hear most that very moment, however.

"Come on, think about it!" Gabriel insisted, stroking his partner's cheek softly, "When do we ever get any alone-time without another monster waiting around the next corner?"

That actually was something the younger Winchester considered for a couple of seconds. The archangel was right, after all. It didn't look like them staying here for a little while could do any harm, really. Also, if some evil witch showed up, they could always just do what they generally did with evil witches.

"And maybe," Gabriel went on, running the fingers of his other hand over the younger Winchester's chest, "She'll get pissed at us for not being pissed and throw us back into the real world."

Again, it sounded logical, even if the archangel was just making a point for getting it on in a fairytale for the sake of getting it on. He still might be right and the trickster goddess might choose that her punishment wasn't working the way she wanted… and Sam realized that he was just trying to find a reason to go along with anything his partner wanted, so he might as well stop thinking about it at all.

"I'm giving this until sundown," the younger Winchester announced and got the legs of one very happy and excited archangel wrapped around his waist, instantly.

All of this was still completely Gabriel's fault, but it wasn't like Sam was complaining anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:** Wow, thanks for all the feedback, guys! I really didn't expect it for a one-shot... well, two-shot...

Special thanks to Maknatuna, Mello18, Maddy Love Castiel, midnight0211, Kid'sDarkWolf, Creativity Incarnate and two guests for leaving reviews! You made me very happy!

**Edit**: Many thanks to Ghastly Eternity for beta-reading :-)

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**Once upon a time… and not too far away**

All of this was entirely Gabriel's fault! Dean didn't know exactly why or how, but he knew that the archangel had had a conversation with that goddess and then she had zapped him and Sam away. Dean, of course, had drawn his gun at the bitch and now he was standing next to a pond aiming at nothing.

"Cas?" the older Winchester called for the angel who had been standing next to him and put the gun back into the waistband of his jeans.

It was very clear that they had been transported to another place and apparently not to the same place Sam and Gabriel had been sent to. It was quite hard to miss his giant of a little brother usually and the archangel's big mouth made sure that everyone always knew when he was around, too.

"I am here, Dean," Castiel replied.

Dean turned around and then looked into the other direction once more. Still, the angel was nowhere to be seen. He had clearly heard him, though.

"Down here, Dean," the angel added after a couple of moments. He didn't quite understand why the hunter broke into fits of laughter when he finally saw him, however.

"This is not a laughing matter!" Castiel stated as upset as he would ever get, "The ducks keep eyeing me!"

The older Winchester barely managed to stop laughing long enough to pick his friend up by the back of his shrunken trenchcoat.

A frog in a trenchcoat! How the hell was Dean supposed not to laugh at that? Not to mention that a short quack escaped the angelic frog of the Lord every now and then.

"I've got to say, the coat still suits you," the older Winchester chuckled and allowed the frog to sit on his shoulder and out of reach of the two ducks that had indeed come ever closer to them. "Alright, Kermit, what's going on here?"

"I don't understand that reference," Castiel grumbled and held on tight to the lapel of the human's jacket as he started to walk around.

Maybe they could find their missing companions, or at least any clues how they were supposed to get out of this anywhere near. Having the Impala conveniently parked around the next corner would be asking for too much, he could accept that much.

"Woah, mind the flippers, Mr. Toad!" Dean shivered as Castiel's cold and slightly slimy toes touched his neck accidentally.

"I am a frog, not a toad," the angel replied matter-of-factly. He was careful not to get his skin in contact with the other man's anymore, though. Apparently, touching frogs was one of the things humans didn't appreciate, even though Dean had touched many way worse things before. Humans were confusing like that.

"Remind me to give you a crash course in pop culture some day, Cas," the older Winchester snorted amusedly. He had thought about doing that often before, but something always came up and prevented it from happening.

"That would be much appreciated," the angelic frog replied and added a silent ribbit at the end of his statement. He couldn't quite help making those sounds every now and then, however.

No matter how far into the forest Dean wandered, everything looked basically the same. It seemed a little as if some lazy designer had decided to copy and paste the background image numerous times. Thinking about it that really might be the case, too.

"We're in some alternate universe crap here, right?" the older Winchester asked his angelic friend with a sigh. One might think that all tricksters liked that sort of shit! Well, damn.

"I agree," Castiel replied thoughtfully, "It seems that the rules of your world do not apply here."

"Cas, you're a talking frog in a trenchcoat with a blue tie," Dean pointed out sarcastically, "Are you really sure that those are different rules?"

Thinking about it, Castiel could have become some internet meme like this in no time at all, if Dean remembered what a meme was correctly, that was. He made a mental note to snap a picture of the angelic frog before he got turned back into his usual form. Actually, Cas' usual form was a vessel, so was he an angel possessing a frog right now? Thinking about this gave Dean a headache, so he pushed the thought aside as quickly as possible.

"Absolutely sure," the angel answered seriously.

"Remind me to give you a crash course in sarcasm, too," the older Winchester mumbled and went on walking past rows and rows of trees that looked exactly the same, "We should try to find a princess for you to kiss."

The frog gave a confused ribbit at that suggestion.

"The bitch that got us into this was a trickster, right?" Dean began to explain his train of thought, "And those fuckers sure like their symbolism and more or less classical storylines. You're the frog pr… angel, so we need a princess to kiss you back to normal. Just roll with it, Cas!"

The angel tried to make sense of what his human companion had just said, but Dean seemed to have an easier time trying to figure the rules they were meant to play by out. Well, Castiel had more than enough trust into the older Winchester to just keep sitting on his shoulder and rolling with it, as he had just called it.

"You are not going to take me to another den of iniquity!" Cas ribbited scandalized as soon as the thought that his friend might be planning something like that came to his mind, though.

"The idea isn't half bad. I'm pretty sure we'd find enough girls that'd go by the name of Princess there," Dean mused and shivered when he got one of Castiel's feet pressed against his neck as a punishment, "Calm down! We won't find a place like that around here, anyway!"

In fact, they weren't going to find anything around the place they were in. Nothing but an ever repeating landscape, anyway.

"Dean, what do we do if we cannot find a princess?" Castiel asked after a couple of minutes of silent walking.

"Then we'll try some random woman. You're not a prince, so maybe some other girl will work, too," Dean replied logically as he thought.

The older Winchester was pretty sure that charming someone into giving a quick kiss to his amphibious friend wouldn't be the biggest problem. The real problem was that it didn't look like they were going to find any random women either, however.

"I'm afraid we will be hard pressed to find any other people, male or female, in this place," Castiel quacked thoughtfully.

"Woah, who said anything about males?" Dean replied quickly. He would have tried to put some space between himself and Castiel, but that was impossible while the angel was travelling on his shoulder. A part of the older Winchester was amused by the fact that he literally had an angel sitting on his shoulder, but the bigger part of him was panicking because of the implications of Castiel's last statement.

"Technically, I am neither male nor female, so following your logic about the attribute of being a prince, a male or a female might work," the angel explained calmly and patiently.

"Uh, yeah, whatever," Dean mumbled awkwardly before he added more upbeat, "Let's go find Sammy then. He's kissing your brother, kissing a frog would be a step up from that!"

Kissing about anyone or anything might be a step up from Gabriel, if you asked Dean, however. Well, Lucifer and Ruby were the obvious exceptions to the rule. Actually, Gabriel might be a tiny step up from Ruby, not that the older Winchester would ever tell the archangel that. Besides, kissing Cas would be like a million steps up from Gabriel, even if the angel was a frog!

"I have no desire to kiss your brother, Dean," Castiel stated most definitely, "And I highly doubt Sam has any desire to kiss me."

Gabriel would not allow him to do anything like that, anyway. The archangel could get very possessive when it was about his human. Castiel didn't have the slightest desire to have his brother smite him, either.

"This is not about desire, it's about helping a friend out," the older Winchester insisted.

"Why don't you kiss me then?" the frog asked in a completely innocent puzzled voice. He wasn't faking it, either. If Dean really saw things the way he had just said he did, he might as well end this situation with a simple kiss. To Castiel this would only be logical and he didn't quite understand why the human had not come up with that solution earlier.

"Uh, I… that…" Dean stammered. What was he supposed to say to that? Great, he had dug out his own grave and hadn't even realized it!

He thought about telling Castiel that he was allergic to frogs and would drop dead if his lips got into contact with one, but he doubted that the angel would buy that. He might be inexperienced, but he wasn't stupid, after all. Dean sighed deeply and got the frog off his shoulder and let him sit in his palm instead.

"Alright, let's get it over with," the older Winchester groaned, resigning to his fate.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he brought his hand toward his face, trying not to think of frogs and definitely not of angels in trenchcoats. They just needed a quick peck to the lips, that couldn't be all too hard!

Castiel waited for Dean to bring his palm close enough to his face for a short kiss patiently, but it seemed like the older Winchester had frozen mid-motion and he probably didn't even realize it. The angel contemplated bringing that fact to his friend's attention, but then he thought better of it.

The frog took aim and prepared himself as quickly as possible and then took the leap over to Dean's lips.

They both got the air knocked straight out of their lungs when Castiel returned to his usual body and the two men tumbled to the ground together, still attached at the lips for a few more moments.

"You're crushing me here, Cas," Dean breathed, a little pained.

"My apologies," the angel replied, not all too apologetically and got up and off the human as quickly as possible, offering his hand to his friend to help him up, as well.

They continued walking to the forest without talking to each other. To Castiel being quiet wasn't uncomfortable or strange, but it very much was for Dean, especially after what had just happened. He so didn't want to think about it, but being quiet gave him nothing else to do but think!

"Hey, look, finally!" the older Winchester exclaimed, glad for a reason to break the silence. He had only just noticed that they were close to a tower that interrupted the ever repeating landscape and it couldn't have been more welcome.

They reached the clearing with the tower on it quickly. Dean frowned deeply at the makeshift rope that looked an awful lot like it had been made from human hair. Human hair from the head of his younger brother, to be exact.

"Sammy?" the older Winchester yelled while Castiel stood next to him, looking up toward the tower in silent contemplation.

"Dean?" Sam called back, sounding a little breathlessly and like he had just been caught red-handed.

"Well, that's something," Dean told the angel with a relieved chuckle and stepped closer to the rope, testing its strength.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Castiel stated in a doubting tone and if the older Winchester wasn't mistaken the angel even looked a little embarrassed.

"We're coming up!" Dean gave a warning to his younger brother when the angel gave him another insistent look.

"Uh… give… _us_ a couple more minutes!" the younger Winchester yelled a little panicky while the archangel laughed loudly.

The older Winchester couldn't suppress a full body shiver at the very unwanted pictures that popped into his mind. At least, that helped with not thinking of the kiss he had had to share with Castiel. He very much wanted to have those thoughts back instead, though!

"Fucking tricksters," Dean mumbled, but sat down by the foot of the tower to wait for the go ahead, if only for the sake of his mental health.

And once Gabriel and Castiel got them all back to the real world with their combined powers and they promised to each other never to mention certain events again they lived happily ever after.


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